Fairy Tales that should be at the top of your reading list

Comic books are the modern equivalent of fairy tales.

Some even more than others.

I have no idea how it has escaped my radar for so long, especially given how many times we've brought up the topic of non-traditional comics that don't focus on people in tights (how do the guys not.....ummmm....embarrass themselves when they see the women in spandex all the time?) but I think we need to talk about a book by Bill Willingham called Fables.

Ladies and gents, if you're looking for something well outside of the normal stream of comic book fodder, that is brilliantly written, artfully illustrated and manages to be both mature and childish at the same time, then this is the book you'll never get tired of. The characters of our childhood have taken refuge on Earth, hiding from the Enemy who has conquered the fable worlds and driven the final survivors to earth, where they have secreted themselves amongst the Mundys (mundanes.)  What follows is a systematic re-imagining of many of those fables you remember from your youth, and plenty that you won't recall at all.  We're taken on an interesting journey through their culture and the changing dynamics of their relationships for a couple of years, and then just as we start to settle into a comfortable place where we think we have a handle on the culture they've built in Fabletown and on The Farm, we discover that there's more to this story than meets the eye.

War.

The Fable leadership is making plans to deal with the Emperor who quashed their lands, and ultimately preparing to lead their eclectic assortment of allies into a perilous confrontation with the Enemy. The intensity doesn't slow down there either, because even once the war is over we find that danger continues to loom and ancient powers begin to creep back into the world.

The book is captivating, creative and fresh and I don't see it as formulaic or routine at any time.  Willingham has captured childhood imagination and mixed in brilliantly with a mature glimpse into an impossible world. I find the characters both intriguing and refreshing in comparison to most comic books, and I would encourage you to explore the convoluted world of Bigby Wolf, Rose Red, Snow White, Prince Charming and of course, Jack.  The cast is literally hundreds deep, and each arc brings into view an assortment of fables to examine.

This book is a sensational read.

Kick Ass

So last night I saw the movie.

I don't say this often, so listen up; the movie was better than the comic.

The changes that they made in order to make the movie work, were things that I actually thought enhanced the story and made it more sensible. While some of the special effects were corny/cheesy, I did think there was a reason for that.  It was a comic book movie.

Overall I thought that the movie was packed full of some ridiculous violence, supported by an insane story about a loser who ends up winning big because he grew up a comic book nerd. How he gets the girl is beyond me, because he really is just a moron in tights, but in the end he gets fame, the girl and a chance to grow up and live out the rest of his life without wearing a great big sign on his chest that reads "in over my head." Unless you count the final shot of the movie, with McLovin' stealing a line from the Joker and inferring that he's going to rise up to become some terrible nemesis.

I could have done without that line.

Some of the best moments in the movie were comedy moments, and they belonged to his best friends, who should have been punched in the face.  Geeks or not, they were begging for a fist to the melon.  The amount of crap they give to their friend is unreal. It's also hilarious. I think as far as action sequences go, the scene that got the best reaction from the crowd is when she goes to the night-vision goggles and then runs around and kills the mobsters.  I'm pretty sure that gameboys everywhere were geekin' through the whole scene, but they probably climaxed when she stabbed the guy in the chest and then blew his brains out in a moment that looked like it could have come right out of an FPS.

Listen, Kick Ass isn't going to win any awards, but it should be applauded for being what it is; a terrific comic book movie that keeps you laughing and geeking from start to finish, despite the transparent plotline. Worth seeing in the theater and not waiting for the video.

It's a great primer for Iron Man 2 (in which we'll see Whiplash get elevated to the role of major villain, where he DOES NOT belong.)

Doom. War. Two of my favorite words.

I issue in and I do like Doomwar more than any of the other mage-super-unbelievable event series that Marvel has run in recent years, and that includes the recent event they hyped as seven years in the making; Siege.

You all heard me take up for Black Panther (both of the last two series) on this blog, and now the recent series of Black Panther looks like it was all leading to this; Doom is making a play for the Vibranium mines in Wakanda.  The Black Panther line has been deposed in a "bloodless coup" driven by a secret faction within the country itself.  They gained the technical aid to get it done by their most clandestine of backers from the country of Latveria.  What we're left with is a play taking place on two fronts.

While the public consumes the sudden isolationist policies of Wakanda's new government, The Black Panther and King T'Challa make plans to reclaim their country.  The writer does an excellent job of showing us how it was possible and why it happened, and I felt intrigued by the politics of the story just a little bit. The new government has condemned Queen Ororo as a witch and is preparing for an execution, which only serves to add to the drama of the situation as it is unfolding.

And with that bit of information, do you need me to tell you who Black Panther has recruited to her cause?

With the X-Men at their side, Panther and T'Challa are more than capable of winning back Wakanda.  But can they do it in time to stop Doom?

And why did Doom secretly back the takeover of Wakanda?  Why not simply attempt a takeover of his own?  The answers are revealed in Doomwar, but his involvement adds another element to the story.  Taking back the country won't bother Doom at all, so long as it happens after he gets his hands on the refined Vibranium that Wakanda alone possesses. This is the second tier to the series, and actually is a little bit more difficult to stomach.  Apparently Vibranium not only is an incredible alien ore that when refined can craft things like Captain America's shield, but it also can be used to amplify energy.  All types of energy.  Including arcane energy.

What?

You forgot that Doom is also a recreational sorcerer with a megalomaniac's delusions of universal conquest?  Well now's the time to be reminded.  If Doom gets access to the Vibranium, we are assured that he will be more powerful than anyone.  Laying it on a bit thick to make their point?  Sure they are.  But the writing is solid and the story does flow.

As is almost always the case though, it's going to come down to the finish.

For me, most of Marvel's biggest events have died because the great idea didn't reach a great climax.  Given the two arcs in front of me right now (Doomwar & Siege) I'm prepared to bet more money on Doomwar and a writer I don't know than I am on Siege.  I'm hoping for the best with it, but acknowledging the trend by Bendis to turn a great idea into a disappointing climax.

I'll let you know my final thoughts when I get to the end of it, but I had to comment because I've really loved the way that this book flowed from the most recent 12 issue run on Black Panther.  If you didn't read it, I seriously think you lost out.

Random observation day

* Garth Ennis writes about God a lot.  Like a lot, a lot. Evidence:

True Faith
Hellblazer (his run on the book has a lot of religious theme)
The Demon (heaven/hell.  It counts)
Goddess
Preacher
Bloody Mary
Bloody Mary Lady Liberty
Crossed (*don't tell me there isn't religious theology in this)
Chronicles of Wormwood


* Dark Avengers is better than New Avengers

* Secret Warriors is still good after 15 issues.

* Everybody raves about Grant Morrison on Batman & Robin.  I'm luke warm. Why does Dick come off as a mediocre Batman who's never prepared for anything in this book? I'll call this no-selling.

* This new book S.H.I.E.L.D. is tight.

* Jonathon Hickman can write and Marvel should tie him up.  He writes S.H.I.E.L.D., Secret Warriors & Fantastic Four.

* Speaking of his run on FF.  Why did it take this long for somebody to figure out that this book is about a family that adventures together? Best run of FF in ages.

* Blackest Night in 60 seconds is some very, very funny stuff: http://www.comicsalliance.com/2010/04/07/blackest-night-in-60-seconds/

* Barry Allen with the blue ring on is pretty cool, even if he should have stayed dead.

* I don't care what anyone says, the Specter shold have dealt with the whole Black Lantern issue.  He's THE SPECTER! Story would have been 7 seconds long.

* When I get a month's shipment I always find i t interesting what I feel like I "need" to read first.  Top attention getters from the last shipment included Irredeemable, Secret Warriors, Wolfskin & World Of New Krypton!

* Won't it be funny if Doom War turns out to be a much better story than any of Marvel's BIG event stories from recent years? There's a chance....

* Planet Hulk on Blue Ray.  Didn't even know they put it out, but I've got a copy.  I'm going to watch it tomorrow I think!

* Jeremiah (the TV show) was based on a comic book I think I'll have to read.  Always interested to see how far from the source material it fell, especially since the producer is now a comic guy.  Anyways, I really liked Season 2.  Liked Mister Smith.  Reminds me of somebody I know.

* It's past my bedtime.

Why bother Fabian?

I've had to make some hard decisions in the last 60 days about comic books.

My ongoing struggle to find work has slowly tightened the noose around the neck of my comic book orders, and April's shipment of books from my supplier will be my last regular shipment until such time as I secure a new career. The result of this was that two months ago, seeing the possibility coming forward, I had to carve out some of my reading list in advance of an absolute cut-off.  One of the books I chose to cut was Azrael's new series by Fabian Nicieza (a writer who's work I have enjoyed in the past.)

To understand why this is something a tough choice, you need to appreciate that on average I get my shipment two months after books are released.  The process saves me a significant amount of money, but the other side of it is that when I'm ordering my books (which are ordered two months in advance of shipping) I'm often working with a lack of opinion or information on the current quality of a series.  That's what happened when I cut off the orders for Azrael based on only having read issue number 1.

Sometimes this process burns me, and I end up scrambling to scoop up a couple of issues to fill in gaps created by the decision, because I realize or discover two months later that the book improved and became a real keeper.

Well I just read Azrael #4 (two months after I canceled my orders for the series in advance of issue #5's solicitation.)   Guess what?

It sucked.

Turns out that my gut instinct from two months earlier was spot on, and the series continues to be completely missing the captivating essence of this character's past. When Dennis O'Neil wrote Azrael's first story I was intrigued and stayed with the book for his entire run on it.  Fabian, it turns out, doesn't have any clue what makes the character work and demonstrates it every time he sets pen to paper.  Issue #4's climax, in which we finally discover the identity of a murder that has haunted the new Azrael's civilian identity for years, is uninspired and flippant, offering us neither actual closure or heightened interest.

The tones of spiritual obsession that ran through the original series are marginalized in the new series, and the new Azrael lacks the depth of character I found so captivating in the original. He isn't the programmed solider or an ancient order, shrouded in mystery and at odds with the modern world, which is a big piece of why the character worked for me in the past.  Now he is a police officer who has taken on the duty out of obligation, submitting to the requirements of the uniform.

It may not be too late for Fabian to save the title from complete death, and there may be a bigger picture unfolding in the confession at the end of #4 that 'the devil made me do it,' but if that does turn out to be the case, for me it is too little too late.  I tuned in for more deep, dark secrets about an ancient offshoot of the Christian faith sending forth it's soldier to defend their purpose in a world that no longer relates their values.  I wanted to find out if the Order of St. Dumas had been cleaned of its corruption, and reborn with a new purpose.

What I'm getting instead is a largely uninspired story about a cop who became Azrael trying to balance his past with his present, all tied neatly into the radius of Gotham City.

Blah.

Not done yet.....a lesson in how to be wrong....A LOT

And the hits just keep on coming...

Ok lets move on to costumes. Yes... Spidermans costume sucks. Its original, but it still sucks. Lets look back to many other superhero's costumes. Superman.. is flying around in pajamas and a speedo. Powerman, he is wearing 80's disco cloths with some crazy thing wrapped around his head. Everyone's favorite Wolverine, look I dont even know how to describe that thing, but if you look at the original outfit, man I dont know what they were thinking. Captain America, Well hes wearing red WHITE and blue, are you going to say he ripped off of superman for wearing red and blue?

Here's a handy little tool for you folks out there who might feel inclined to jump onto the blog and throw around some opinions; don't assume I make crap up.  (*also don't make crap up.....I hate that)

On the point of originality......Superman wins.  Why you ask?  because his was the first one.  He was the first one.  So if originality counts for costumes, he ALWAYS wins that. Wolverine's original is questionable, sure (actually it's ugly as hell).....no argument.  Not even in Canadian colors, which could have made some sense. Captain America is the ultimate American soldier wrapped in the stars and stripes.  That makes sense. But your suggestion that *I* said he ripped off Superman for sharing his primary colors suggests that you think I made that part up.  I didn't, which you would know if you bothered to actually learn about the topics you're arguing about. During the period in question, most comic characters were designed using primary colors.  Like Captain America, Superman was designed to be an 'AMERICAN' hero.  The color choice was based on the colors of the flag, both of which were primary colors.  For patriotic heroes it made sense.

For a guy based on a spider?

Get a grip.

And last but not least Peter Parker is an average loser, like any of us.

Don't include us in your 'us.'

He chose to be a wrestler when he first got his powers. Now tell me, if you were a nerdy loser who stayed locked in his room all day what would you do? Lets see, after hours of masturbation behind your computer over a hot red head girl you watch from your window like a stalker, you would watch tv. Who did you think was the strongest person in the world when you were a kid? Lets see next to Arnold Schwartzeneger (or however you spell his name) it was Hulk Hogan. So, if you suddenly got super strength who would you want to kicks ass in your nerd rage to feel like a bigger man?

Your assessment of how teenagers behave and what they watch on TV is......creepy.  Does somebody check in on you on a regular basis?  That isn't how Spidey chose to make money from wrestling either.  Do some background research.  He was an opportunist who saw a chance to make some money.  Sitting at home watching wrestling never entered into it. I just find it incredibly funny that you would even consider defending that point.  Hilarious.

Anyway he let a mugger run past him when he had super strength. Lets see. You suddenly have super powers, Idk about you but I wouldnt want to suddenly have attention on me from the police for being a young boy taking out a criminal.

I'd like to think I've been raised better than that and if I had the power and the ability to help somebody stop a crime, I would take it. That thought process you're demonstrating as you align with Peter is exactly the reason he isn't a hero.  He's a selfish prick.

At least wrestling he can say is fake, actually using the powers in a non staged way would draw attention; I mean he was exactly what you said a nerdy loser who stayed in his room all day.

 How is a 16 year old, scrawny runt going to say its fake when he picks up a 275 lb man and spins him around and throws him like a rag doll?  Even the fans watching won't believe it's staged.  I wouldn't believe it if I saw Rey Mysterio pick up Big Show. The idea that nobody would figure out he was unusually (REALLY!) strong for his size because it was wrestling suggests that everyone there is dumber than a stump. So he's either worried about being discovered and doesn't do anything with his super-strength or......maybe.....he's just a selfish prick who didn't care about right and wrong.

Do you think he wanted the world looking at him on tv?)

Yes.  Otherwise you don't go on a wrestling show.  Dur.

Now He let the criminal kill his uncle by letting him go. Yes I agree, in fact there is no way to argue that, but what defines him, and anyone else who could have been put in that situation, is what he did afterward.

Lie to his aunt and act out of guilt?  I agree, those actions do define him.

If you simply define him by letting the man go, then by definition, Batman would be responsible for every person any of his villains killed because he put them in Jail. Why you ask? Because he knows they are going to escape; I mean lets face it how many times have they done it. With one exception being the Penguin (and the Riddler for a little while) name a villan who left arkham and didn't kill again? I mean hell throw all the villains out the window if you want, Joker is not going to be rehabilitated no matter how many times you lock him up. Joker alone should give Batman a reason to argue the death penalty. 

This argument is so colossally flawed, I'm not even sure where to start cutting it up.  Batman isn't responsible for any of the crimes that people he captures commit because he turns them over to the legal system to be processed.  His job isn't to keep them incarcerated.  You can't just assign guilt to him because they escape (or are let out) in the future by the state.  I get that you like the Punisher and think that murder is justice, but try and keep your arguments a little bit more lucid on here.  Maybe take a Valium before you write this crap. Knowing that the legal system may fail does not in any way obligate Batman or any other hero to commit murder.  What in God's name is wrong with you?

There is no similarity between actively ignoring a crime in progress and not killing a criminal who you suspect will escape or be released to commit crimes again one day.  NONE.

 All in all, if you are going to hold Spiderman up to a microscope; put any other superhero under it and you can realize how silly they are. Just go back and look at any of there original storyline and they are just dumb by our standards. Comic books go by the generation. They are subject to the silly things that that generation is into. I mean in 50 years people will be having this same argument because lets face it they will be different people (probably speaking Chinese if we keep going the way we are.).

I'm not sure whether that last comment was supposed to be funny or serious, but it comes off as sad. I could put any number of heroes under a microscope and find flaws with them but I chose Spider-Man because he sucks.  I watched you try and do the same thing to Superman, but your arguments were flawed, empty and completely inaccurate.  Better luck next time.

And so you know, I am not a Big spiderman fan.

Really?  Me neither. We should hang out.

Hes ok. My actual favorite is the Punisher and I even argued that he is silly at times.

Plus, he's not a hero.  He's a serial killer.  That you consider your favorite.  You know what?  We shouldn't hang out.  I don't hang out with people who love Ted Bundy either though, so don't take it personally.

Truth be told I just simply think that if you put a hero up to those standards you are going to find a fault. Spiderman was based to be like every other person in this world (because he was Marvel) and you cant compare him to a DC character because they are meant to be larger than life.

Another flawed perception of the different between DC and Marvel, easily countered with a quick list:

Marvel: Thor, Silver Surfer, Hulk,
DC: Azrael, Booster Gold, Flash, 

Every time I hear the argument that Marvel makes more 'human' heroes I almost fall down laughing. Is Hercules human? Thor? The Surfer? Are the Inhumans? There is a scale of power from mortal to godlike in both companies.  The difference is that DC has done a better job of hitting more ICONIC notes in their origins.

Green Lantern v Nova.  Same basic idea.  1 company rocked it and the other botched it (until recently.)
Flash v Quicksilver.  Same again.
Green Arrow v Hawkeye. Same again. Remind me to tell you guys about the time I thanked Bendis for killing Hawkeye.
Aquaman v Namor. And again.

Iconic origins Marvel did hit well?  Hulk. FF. Cap.

Also, they don't compare in terms of being smart about which companies they absorbed.  Dc absorbed Fawcett and got SHAZAM.  Marvel absorbed Malibu and got.....ummm......Prime.  Wow.  Epic fail.

Marvel have human weaknesses, and with the exception to batman (and green arrow) DC characters dont (a frikn rock).

Thor does NOT have a human weakness.  I suppose you could argue Banner does, though Hulk does not. Surfer doesn't.  Nor does Black Bolt. What is Wolverine's? Will you argue that Banner makes Hulk more vulnerable than Kryptonite, Magic or Lois Lane make Superman?  Probably.  You're reliably weak like that. This is as lame an argument as every other one you've brought forward.

Maybe you should leave the comic commentary to those of us who actually read the damn things, because you sir......are clueless.

 

 

 

 

 

Picking up with a simpleton's attack on Superman Part II

When last we met, I.....you intrepid host......was dedicating time and space to a friend of Jordan's who took great exception to my abuse of Peter Porker and used it as a basis to launch a poorly constructed character assassination of Superman (presumably under the impression that it would in some way change the fact that Spider-Crap is a terrible character somehow.)

Let us return to that moment...

Onward to your next argument. Spiderman seems to not sacrifice anything. Ok, what does Superman give up? His planet blew up? Oh boo hoo. It happened before he became a hero which sort of throws that argument out the window. What did X-man give up? Um they are basically a recreation of the civil rights movement. Therefore they give up nothing, they are born that way. What did Punisher give up? Nothing his family was killed and he had no control over that. How about Hulk? Again nothing he was caught in an explosion of his own screw up and instead of being a hero runs around destroying little timmy's backyard anytime he has a temper tantrum. 

Actually, if you're going to misrepresent my points, you'll need to make sure you don't get an answer from a guy who can refer people back to the blog I wrote.  I didn't single out sacrifice as essential, I grouped it with my search for a 'heroic moment,' 'inspiration,' or 'sacrifice' that took place at the inception of the character.  All of which I feel Spider-Crap lacks.  But let's move past that point and stick with your attack on the other characters.

You start with Superman (note the trend ladies and gents) and act as though Clark Kent never sacrificed anything.Your facetious 'boo hoo' over the loss of his entire species doesn't actually address the hero's creation.  Superman wasn't born when Clark was born.  Clark grew up with his powers and went to great lengths to ensure that he didn't use them or abuse them in some way that would be unfair. What's that?  You don't think that's sacrifice?  Hmmmmm.  You might be right. Perhaps it's just responsibility (which in a teenager I actually find inspiring!) Perhaps we should compare it to your friend Peter, who immediately went out and tried to use his powers to make money and profit from them.  At least one of the guys understood the nature of power without having to listen to a dying uncle explain it to him.

But from there your argument simply continues to fall apart.

The X-Men didn't give up anything?  Almost all of them could pass for normal humans given a reasonable amount of effort.  Once they were trained by Xavier to control their powers better they could have gone back out into the world and simply looked out for old #1 (we refer to that as pulling a Parker.) But they didn't. They set aside that chance and came together to fight for equality, not just for themselves, but for their less fortunate peers.  Those that couldn't blend into society.  THAT is sacrifice. They gave up freedom and anonymity for scorn and ostracism so that they could make the world a better place.

Do you even understand what sacrifice means?!?!

Again with the Punisher.  He the only thing he ever sacrificed was a person.  He's a serial killer.  Stop lumping him in with heroes.

Hulk is a neat one though.  What did Hulk ever sacrifice?  Maybe I could build this case, but I won't.  Because I think I should build the case for Bruce Banner.  You know him right?  The guy who ran out onto a gamma test site while the countdown was going on, and sacrificed the rest of his 'normal' life to save Rick Jones. You might want to do some reading before you make retarded comments about a lack of sacrifice in the character next time. The explosion wasn't his screw-up at all.  You don't have your facts straight.

Lawyered.

But this one.......this one I like best:

And since Jordan brought up Batman Ill even tear him down (even though I like him). Batman gives up nothing, his family got shot just like Punisher's and every other person who lives in a bad neighborhood. He throws a fit and decides to start a crusade of ridding the world of violence and does a good job of it. However he does not do it for other people's benefit he does it out of a psychotic compulsion to basically try to unravel events that happened in his past.

This is the dumbest assessment of how Batman came into being that I've ever read. If Jordan hadn't told me that you're about to get your degree (and I did ask if it was the kind you mail away for) I would have assumed you were his 6 year old nephew after this one. To suggest that somebody who has fabulous wealth, social standing and power gave up nothing in becoming the Batman is to be brain dead.  To start with, Bruce gave up his youth.  He sacrificed the years that any other child would have grieved, and then gone on with being a child and he dedicated his life to learning all that he would need to know.  He didn't do it for the grades, or the success either.  He did it because he had a plan; to stop other people from suffering like he did.  That's enough sacrifice right there, but for Bruce it doesn't stop.  When he dedicates his life and his fortune to protecting others that too is sacrifice.  He has the wealth and fortune to life a life of luxury, and yet he does no such thing.  In fact, he sacrifices his own identity, turning Bruce Wayne into the mask that allows Batman to be successful.

More on this later, because I've talked to Jordan and I'm going to blog about how wrong you are about The Punisher and about Batman.  By now you're used to being wrong though.

I'm sure of that.

Why do stupid people hate on Superman?

It's a pretty simple question.

I promised you guys that I was going to dedicate a blog to responses posted here by Jordan on behalf of one of his friends. It became apparent to me as I read the lackluster commentary he supplied and the completely ineffective points he tried to raise that he loathes Superman.  I'm fine with that, of course.  Different strokes for different folks, and all that, but I was intrigued enough by his contempt (erroneous as his points were) to do some web browsing and I found a number of bloggers who shared his opinions on Superman.  So I did what anybody interested in other people's opinions on a topic should do; I read the blogs.

Here's what I learned; people who hate Superman are stupid.

That's it.  There's no deeply hidden secret wisdom to be found anywhere in this topic.  Just an observation that the single most defining trait of these people is an apparent lack of intelligence and the inability to represent Superman with anything better than the shallowest of understandings of the character.  I can't tell you why stupid people feel compelled to hate on him.  I can't tell you why stupid people are driven to share their stupidity and boast about their ignorance of the character.

I can only tell you that they do it, and reading their arguments makes me lament for the educational system.

Now that that is out of my system.......how about we start punching holes in what was a very poorly thought out assault on the brilliant tutorial I gave all of you on how to hate Spider-Man.  And before any of you say it.........

YOU'RE WELCOME.

 We're going to start by taking this argument apart as we work our way through it.  I have not edited this argument in any way. Where would be the fun in that?

"Im not necessarily defending Spiderman by your point of view, just simply having a debate. You say that spiderman is motivated by guilt and on this note I do agree; however, what motivates many of our other comic book characters? Batman= obsession (possibly mental derangement), Punisher = vengeance (another psychopath), The X-man= basically ethnic struggles (nothing heroic they are just trying to fit in. Even if they got rid of the segregation they would still naturally segregate the way people of different ethnicity do now.) Captain America= he is simply a soldier. He is possibly the most heroic but basically hes just a man following orders. Maybe if he made these decisions on his own I would say he was a super hero but hes simply the same sort of hero any firefighter or police officer is. Hes doing his job."

Wow. We jump right out of the gate and go straight for some of the most uninformed arguments I've ever seen.

Batman: I'm okay with the argument that Batman is suffering from obsession, although I think that's a very surface level view that doesn't fully encompass the motivation of the character.  Batman is also seeking justice, not just for himself, but for everyone.  Which IS heroic.

Punisher: After that start though, we lose ground quickly and I have to ask....who groups Punisher in with heroes?  Anyone who reads that book knows that the guy isn't a hero.....he's a serial killer. Lumping him into this argument suggests that you don't even have a full grasp on what we're debating.

X-Men: There's nothing heroic about ethnic struggles?  So Rosa Parks wasn't heroic for what she did?  Dr. King wasn't demonstrating heroic leadership in the face of terrible adversity? Civil rights leaders didn't show great personal sacrifice and heroism in pursuit of what was morally right? Suggesting that there is nothing heroic in ethnic struggles for equality all but eliminated you from being allowed to express your opinion here in the future. That was a colossally ignorant statement.

Captain America:  Simply a soldier? Just following orders?  Do you even read Captain America?  There is almost no basis for you to make that argument, and just to clear it up for those people who don't read Cap on a regular basis.....he doesn't follow orders because he's NOT in the military anymore.  In fact Cap was the person who rebelled against the United States government and defended personal liberty and freedom during the Civil War.  Your understanding of that character is grossly flawed.  Cap is very heroic.  He is a time-lost solider who has returned to a world that has left his values behind.  Instead of submitting himself to the modern ideal, he holds to values and virtues society has left behind and he fights for them at great personal cost.

Firefights & Police Officers: Can be and often are heroes as well.  Like Super Heroes, what motivates everyday people determines whether or not what they do is heroic.

In summation.....after rereading your opening sortie a number of times..........I'm still looking for a valid point.  Spider-Man is still the biggest loser ever, and his motivation for action remains the most selfish.  He's a douchebag.

Now, on to more of your argument....

"And finally to what i would assume is you favorite: superman. Dude.... hes an alien.... Nothing "Super" about that. Hes the same as a green man from mars with a little ray gun. ANYWAY... he has super powers... ok. Lets look at them. He has: Super strength, flight, freeze breath, eye beams, invincible, super speed, apparently he thinks faster than a normal human, and he comes back to life just about any time he dies. Whats s hard about saving the earth at that point. And ok you make a good point. Supe has a very iconic villa. Hell probably one of my favorites. I mean whats not to like about your basic average human being taking on a GOD. But hey, lets even talk about his iconic villain (who isnt named after an insect, but actually a wrestler). Ok what is superman's weakness... A frikn rock (weak). But moving on this rarity of mineral is apparently fragments from Superman's home world, which apparently is supposed to make him "mortal" again yet somehow always makes him wallow in his own self pity. Again to my real point about this rock. It is fragments from a planet which blew up. Now if this rock is from light years away How in the world can you explain that every villain seems to have pieces of it; more so How does Lex Luther seem to be able to shit bricks of this crap out anytime hes facing superman? I mean come on in one issue he had Kryptonian steroids :S."

Ah, the attack on Superman.  How original, and utterly uninspired. Apparently now we're embracing racism at its highest level, because you can't be "super" unless you were born on Earth.  I guess that would explain why there was nothing heroic about the X-Men fighting for equality for all peoples. Superman's place of origin has absolutely ZERO bearing on whether or not his actions or motivations are heroic, which is why Adam Strange, Hawkman, Martian Manhunter, Thor, Silver Surfer and a host of other non-humans also qualify as heroes. This was a truly ridiculous statement, and I'm done with it.

I'd be interested to know where you got your summation of his powers, and what reference you used to determine that Clark Kent thinks faster than a normal human does. I'm not saying that it isn't true, but it certainly doesn't show up that way in any of the comics I've read.  My understanding is that he simply reacts faster because of his superspeed.  That isn't the power description I take actual exception to though.  It's the suggestion that he comes back to life "just about any time he dies." This exposes the motive behind your anti-Superman rhetoric and thankfully you are now just a statistic in my review of people who hate Superman; you don't know shit about him.  You clearly don't read him, and you've never read any one of the number of brilliantly written Superman stories told by some of the finest authors to grace comics.  It's called a PREJUDICE because you prejudge without gathering facts.

For those of you keeping score at home, Superman has 'technically' never died.  But to make things simple and easy for everyone who stays 9 miles from Superman stories and only reads the hype, we'll credit him with one actual death and resurrection.  Sound like anyone else you know?  Nick Fury? Steve Rogers? Hal Jordan? Barry Allen? Jean Grey? Professor Xavier? Frank Castle? How long a list of people with this apparent super-power do I need to make before the stupidity of that comment becomes glaringly evident?

What's hard about saving the earth? Is that supposed to be a serious comment? Casting aside the obvious answer that super heroes are confronted with super villains every day, or that nobody could be everywhere at once, smart writers manage to remind us every day that for somebody who holds himself up a living example of how to do the right thing, he is constantly faced with numerous challenges that aren't resolved with simple displays of power.  Like anyone dealing with our fractured world he struggles with politics, government policy and the law and how it relates to doing what is right. He struggles with emotions, and intellectual conundrums which are at the heart of all good conflicts as well.  All of this you might know if you ever cracked open a Superman book and pulled your head out of your ass. What's hard about saving the earth?  Well for starters......there's all these stupid people on it who are constantly making things worse.

Lex Luthor fun fact #1: he wasn't named after a wrestler and that's the most retarded comment I've read yet.  Which wrestler who was around in the 1940's exactly are we talking about?  Moving on....

You refer to Luthor as a basic, average human being taking on a god. Lex Luthor fun fact #2: he is not an average human being, and nothing about his is basic.  The man is a scientific genius on a level that surpasses Bruce Wayne, has access to the kind of financial backing that rivals Batman and manages to work in the kinds of shadows that are not Clark's forte at exposing. That doesn't sound like me.  Or my neighbor. Or anyone who lives in my town come to think of it, which I suppose would then mean that he's nowhere near average. He is, in fact, the perfect foil for Superman because he relies on his cunning and unscrupulous brilliance to stand down Superman's other-worldly power.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time defending the Kryptonite argument because it's as shallow an assessment as anything else you've brought up.  I'm not going to get into the explanation of why radioactive isotopes might adversely affect a man who is effectively just a solar battery, because I've already seen the puddle deep thinking you're capable of and I don't want to risk you having an aneurysm trying to keep up. Suffice it to say that I don't mind if you hate that aspect of his story, but I do mind that you think it's his only weakness.  Just another sign that you have no idea what you're talking about.  The wallow in self-pity line only underscores your desperation to join the 'Stupid people hate Superman' club. You're lashing out and making things up as you do it, and for what purpose?  You could have just written, 'I hate Superman' and moved on.

Oh, and yes some of the less talented writers who have gotten their hands on the character over the years have left people with the impression that there is an abundance of Kryptonite on earth.  Is that the character's shortcoming, or just bad writing? For the record, most villains do not use Kryptonite, so we'll just add that to the list of thing's you're completely wrong about.  Bringing us to a grand sum total of......everything.

Before we kill this evisceration of the worst argument ever put forward, I'd like to draw everyone's attention to a small, yet fun fact.  Your review of characters was meant to challenge the motivation of them in comparison to Spider-Crap, yet when you got to Superman you changed gears. Why?  Well that's obvious.

Because of all of the heroes he has the most noble motivation.

He does it because it's the RIGHT thing to do.

Wow.

I'm not even half way through and I'm a full blog into revealing highlighting your raging idiocy to the world.  I can't reveal it, because you took care of that when you wrote this inane response. Looks like we'll be back for more kicking of your opinion's ass soon.

Until then......I'm right.........and Spider-Man still sucks.